they need to just BURY HIM!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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