You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
