So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
