I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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