Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
