I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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