i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
