I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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