yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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