he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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