my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
