is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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