I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
