I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize