dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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