She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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