And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
as a side note pls kill me
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
