All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
