My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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