apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I am spending my child support on dildos
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
