I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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