I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
