so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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