Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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