just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
