This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
