My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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