your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
