THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
