remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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