I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
