You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
