I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
