It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
