I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
