How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
