i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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