need another drink. this is the easiest way
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
