PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
