Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize