no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
