of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
