I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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