I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
