Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
