he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
