I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
