i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
