Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
