Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
