i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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