I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
