I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
