I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
