all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
