We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
