Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
