Jerry, you need to find god
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
