new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He passed out mid-signature
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
