I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
