He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize