so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
