whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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