Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
