Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
