ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
