I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
