It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
