"it" just moved
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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