:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The air was thick with penises
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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